So I was feeling a bit self- conscious about the whole event but excited too. I like to practice vinyasa and it is a much different teaching experience than the hatha classes I usually lead. For one thing, it is more verbal and less demonstrative (or at least it has been when I have taught flow in the past, but more on that in a minute). Secondly, it is an entirely different style of yoga than hatha. Postures are practiced in different ways. While good form is always encouraged, the precise alignment and slow discovery of poses one can enjoy in hatha is not really present in a flowing form of yoga.
But it is good to challenge oneself as a practitioner and a teacher and to be outside of one's comfort zone for the purpose of growth. Even if that means perspiring like a not-so-fresh mountain spring and having to deal with the inner anxiety that has you wondering if you sweat this way because a) you just do or b) you are soo toxic its frightening.
So I was excited about the class and had a pretty cool playlist ready to go. Having been back at the studio this whole lean summer, I know that the classes have not been exactly full. But I was holding out hope for a vinyasa class because flow classes tend to be very popular. I was surprised when the "class" turned out to be two very nice young women.
Small classes happen all the time. I have learned to be a good instructor to small (in some cases, very small) hatha classes. But flow classes, in my opinion, depend to certain degree on the energy built by the people in the room. All yoga classes do I suppose to a certain degree, but flow yoga is so physically demanding I think that practitioners need to call on the energy they draw from one another to maintain the energy in their practice.
Once I got into my teaching space and ignored the mostly empty room and focused on the people who were there, the class went more or less well. Where one would usually provide almost all verbal instruction and physical assists when necessary in this type of class, I found myself flowing along with the students from time time both to demonstrate and to build momentum in the room.
When it was over, I was a little disappointed that my cool playlist had gone mostly ignored and the energy (and students) I had envisioned in my head weren't there in reality. Then I felt ashamed of myself as a teacher for letting my ego and my own selfish desires be in the way of why I was supposed to be there in the first place. However, as a human being on planet earth and a person who needs to make a living like everyone else, I know I need to develop better sales skills.
I need to learn how to "sell" my classes without making myself or yoga sound like the latest "must have" gadget of meaninglessness. I deeply wish the economy was in a better place and that jobs were plentiful and that people were coming to yoga class by the busload. But I know even if that were the case they would not necessarily be coming to my yoga class. I still need to develop those very important self promotion skills.
I think that is the lesson I will choose to work with here. I managed to get over my aversion to heated practice and actually found some peace in it. I managed to cope with my self- consciousness about being a profusely sweaty individual and teach competently anyway. In spirit, I think anyone who loves teaching would gladly do it for free. In practice, I think there must be a level of value attached to what you offer.
In our world, in our culture, unless there is a value (i.e. a dollar sign) attached to what you do, people are skeptical of the quality of what you are offering them. Also, there comes a time you have to ask yourself; if you are afraid to promote your work, of telling others about the quality work you do, is it really because you are humble or shy or is it simply because you are more comfortable hiding in your fear? I guess I will have to find out.
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